Happenings

Man on man has these last few day flown! I have not even had a chance to go over and coupons specials or plan my attack. **insert shocked face here**. One thing I have noticed with coupon shopping is there are times you just have to step back and take a break and that is what I am doing. Sure I love a good deal like the next person but I can not become so obsessed that I put other things on the back burner, like my family.

I haven't posted much about my immediate family because they all are so private plus we could challenge Jerry Springer for the crown of ridiculous. But let's just say a new chapter has begun or maybe that's giving it to much emphasis. I had a falling out with my father almost 18 years ago and that is when I shut him out of my life. Yes it was warranted! As time has passed and age has settled in it was easier to stay mad as hell and keep the anger alive by not forgiving. Maybe it made it easier to not feel the loss of a father or maybe it was just my stubborn streak, either way it was longer than it should of been.

A few years ago I received a phone call that my 60 year old father had a stroke and was being rushed to the hospital. I can't explain the feelings because I still don't know if I had sorted them out at that time. Part of me was "shocked" because it was so unexpected and part of me was nervous. I didn't shed any tears that night, but I did wrench my fist several times trying to sort it all out. Don't get me wrong I didn't want him to be harmed I just had buried all those good memories and feelings underneath the hurt, anger and bull handedness and it was gonna take time to wake them up.

I prayed about it and contemplated and sought advice and came to the conclusion that I had to forgive, not forget or I could not progress my self or shelf away the pain. I wasn't hurting him as much as I was hurting myself. Besides I always had an empty spot in me, how could I be me if I couldn't acknowledge the desire I had to have a father. I was his child and I so desired the relationship I saw blossoming between my husband and his daughters and felt envious.

I made the trek to Texas to see him right before he had heart surgery to repair a hole which was the main cause of the stroke. It felt weird and alien but yet comforting as if I had found an old slipper that had eluded me all those years. The heart surgery was success and he was able to meet 2 of his grandchildren he had never seen and 1 he hadn't seen in almost 18 years.

Well as I type this he is driving from Texas to Virginia to come visit. I never thought I would ever live to see the day for many reasons. I would be lying if I didn't say I was somewhat excited to see him. Keep your fingers crossed no major drama happens and we can have a nice visit. As we all know we have no idea what tomorrow brings.

Wish us luck!!