Insomnia

It's Friday night and I am sitting here in front of the computer feeling restless. I imagine it doesn't help that James is sitting next to me pinching my sides like he does. I have tried to post several things lately but felt as if I was being to negative and changed my mind. With everything going on it seems impossible not to be negative. KWIM? I have so much to be grateful for and I tend to overlook that some times. I think as humans we take things for granted, I know I do. I need to start being grateful and maybe the gloom cloud will disappear.

Tonight we went to Craig' graduation (yes it's that time of year) and it was so exciting to see his children excited about something their father accomplished. He graduated from VCU (Virginia Commonwealth University) with a Bachelors in Electrical engineering. Not an easy task, and with honors to boot!

As we lingered afterwards I had this feeling like something was wrong and I looked up looking for James before I realized I hadn't brought him. It scared the tar out of me for a minute. I'm so grateful for my children. Their individual personalities and how they test their mother so. But when they look up at me and say "I love you", it makes it all worth it. I'm counting the days when my little monster will say it.
I'm grateful they chose me to be their mother a long time ago. I don't feel worthy enough for that honor but they teach me something new each and every day.

James speech therapy seems to be going no where real fast. I have seen nothing out of it yet. He will not sign, talk or do anything she wants. He grunts and points and plays with the toys, or looks at the books. She has suggested putting him in the school system so that he can get more attention but attending school 4 days a week in the fall, that is if he qualifies. So now I am having him tested again and going through those steps to see what our other options are. The one hour a week thing is not cutting it.

Rebecca, wow !! what can i say about her? she is so full of life and confidence it's scary sometimes. She is having boy issues already ( lord help me). They are calling the house all the time, and she spends more time on the phone sometimes than me! We had this talk about how she is to young to date and that she needs to stay friends and that's it. When she is 16 she can date. So what did she do, she wrote this boy a letter telling him they had to be friends. That she couldn't date until 16, and wanted him to wait for her and that she knew she was worth the wait and they could be together one day. Well you can imagine that went over like a lead balloon. So the next thing I know his friend starts calling and leaving love notes around. We had to have the talk again. She is only 11, how am I going to survive another 5 years?

Shalonda is getting ready to graduate from High School. I can;t even figure out where the time went. She is going to prom next Friday night, I think without a date. She asked this boy at school and he said yes , then his brothers ex GF asked him and he decided to go with her. I can't imagine why! *insert eye roll*
Most of the boys her age are leaving or left on missions and not to many left to choose from at church. She asked another and he said he would have to think about it. OMG!! Torture!! Shalonda is a good girl and she's smart and beautiful but has no confidence in her self which she portrays. If only she would realize it she would shine! I so worry about her, I worry all time whether she will get confidence, will she find a good guy who will treat her as she deserves. Ugh... parenthood. When do you cut the umbilical cord and throw them from the best and let them spread their wings?

It's long past my bedtime and I figure I should try and go to sleep.
Good night all.....